are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
