So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
