The maid of honor just puked.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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