We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
