we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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