whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
