I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
