Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
