hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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