We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
