Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize