just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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