Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this will be a night to untag.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
