So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
