4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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