there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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