the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
