possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
