Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
