Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
