Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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