I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
