I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
