A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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