I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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