If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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