New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
