Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
