I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
