i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
