i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
