he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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