i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
