when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
wow bdsm is so cute
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
