And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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