you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
