There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
