Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
