who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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