Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
