What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
only you would photoshop your dick
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
