Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
