love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
