Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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