we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
