Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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