Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
