if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
