I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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