Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
