there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
