God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
