Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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