i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
