Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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