White coat. Heels.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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