I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
