He uses pillows to masturbate.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
