the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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