The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
