Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
