Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
