gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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