I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
