what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
