Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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