either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
