dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
