The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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