Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
