If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
