he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize