I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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