I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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