I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
