Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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