Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize