I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
