i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
