Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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