guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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